Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
