my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
