She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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