how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
