Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
