Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
