I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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