R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
