So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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