She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
