it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
3 2 1 whiskey
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
