She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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