I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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