Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
