So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
