just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
