i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Less talking, more tequila
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
