You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
