Porn is love you can see.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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