Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
