There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
