My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
