i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
