Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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