no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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