I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
