on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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