Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
