in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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