if i can run in heels then i can drive
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
