I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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