That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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