I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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