dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
