You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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