yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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