im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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