you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
