I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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