I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize