I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize