come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
