Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
