I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You smell like stripper and shame
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
