woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
