I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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