I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
