if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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