new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
