YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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