Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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