you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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