Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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