I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
