she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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