apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm passing your future prison.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
