There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
