She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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