And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
