I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
