did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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