I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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