Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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