I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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