dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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