i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I am morally bankrupt
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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