yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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