How'd it feel making her break her religion?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
