we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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