Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
